True Marriage

What constitutes marriage is one of the simplest concepts in the Bible.

Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. ^{Matthew 19:4-6}

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure this one out, even though I am a retired rocket scientist. When I read those verses as a kid, it was as clear as the sun on a clear day. But just in case it still seems too complicated let me try to make it a bit clearer.

The part about leaving the father and mother should be a no-brainer. I don’t know of any society that thinks it normal to have sex in front of your parents. When you are right there with your parents, you are not going to engage in sex unless you’re pretty twisted. I think it’s safe to assume that being with your parents constitutes being properly chaperoned.

Male meets female. They want to be of one flesh. The couple leaves the parents (chaperones). They become one flesh (intercourse). They are no more just individuals; they are now one flesh (married). This joining together to become one flesh is God-given and inviolable (unable to be broken without consequences).

There is no marriage ceremony listed and no marriage certificate given. It’s kind of like the shorthand version of marriage we see with Isaac and Rebekah. ^{Genesis 24:64-67}

So, if you had a fling in the back seat of the car with someone, then walla: that’s your marriage partner till death do you part. If you go through some magic ceremony and get that magic certificate later with someone else, then walla: both you and your partner are committing adultery till death do you part or until you stop fornicating.

Part of today’s confusion has to do with the word “marriage”. The following verses should help us clear up the confusion.

Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth? For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man. ^{Romans 7:1-3}

Marriage is just the term given to the union of two people. Just having that title doesn’t make the union legitimate in regard to God. In the scripture above it mentions a woman being “married” to another while her “husband” is still alive. The only thing that frees a legitimately married person to marry another is the death of the spouse. To marry another while the legitimate spouse is still alive constitutes adultery.

This means that there are only two possibilities that establish your eligibility for a legitimate marriage?

You are a virgin.
You were in a legitimate holy marriage and your partner died. This condition means that even though you are not a virgin, you are now eligible to legitimately remarry.

See how simple that is. Not only does the above show the simplicity of marriage, but also the simplicity of what constitutes adultery.

I just wonder how many of you reading this have heard or read of it in such simplistic fashion. If you haven’t, that’s not surprising because anyone so bold would probably be tarred and feathered. Which is what the Pharisees were hoping would happen to Jesus in Matthew 19:3. And unless you don’t think this is to be taken seriously, you should consider that John the Baptist had his head chopped off because of his stand concerning true marriage. ^{Matthew 14:1-11}

The world is so rife with adultery and fornication that the Ear Itchers Society of Marital Infidelity (EISMI, pronounced Ease Me) is having a booming business. And if you have been pricked in your conscience, I‘m sure your mouse is at this very moment looming over the close icon and you are a click away from relief. If so, I bid you Adios!

If you’re still with me, that might mean that God is truly #1 in your life and there is nothing, absolutely nothing that you want to get in-between you and your relationship with Him.

A couple common themes you most likely have heard are: “Get real! In the ‘real world’ things just aren’t black and white but a whole lotta gray.” or “That’s just old school stuff.”

And that is how most people today operate: in those gray or “enlightened” areas. But did you ever notice how Jesus never fooled around in those areas? As a matter of fact, he said those in the gray area made Him want to puke. Really! Take a peek at Revelation 3:16.

There’s always a black and white! We have just gotten used to living in the gray areas. Today, you would have a hard time finding anyone who would even debate the issue. They just want to ignore it and hope the issue just goes away.

The pure white wedding garment used to be a statement that the bride was a pure virgin ready to enter into holy matrimony. Not anymore! In most cases it’s a farce and covers an adulterating whore. That’s right, those marriage certificates and fancy ceremonies in our churches are an assembly line of legitimizing he and she whores.

Pretty harsh language you say? Sorry, but a spade is a spade. You can call it a heart if you want, but it’s still a spade. If you are reading this and you are a whore and you have taken the step to admit that you are a whore and are grieved over your whoredoms then praise God!; because His grace and mercy is extended to all who admit their sins and God will forgive anyone who truly brings their sins to the cross in humility and repentance. And by repentance I mean the true definition of repentance, which is not an “I’m sorry” with lots of tears and then shouting Yahoo! while jumping right back into the mosh pits of sin. Repentance is absolutely not that scenario. Rather it means to turn 180 degrees from sin and then walk the path of complete righteousness by the power and grace of Almighty God.

From this point on, I am only writing to those who are not whores. And if you have repented for your whoredoms then you are no longer a whore. That title no longer fits. You are cleansed and part of the pure bride of Christ; clothed in the righteousness of Jesus Christ, without spot or blemish. You are now in the White Zone. There is no gray area, although the world will flood you with lukewarm grayness and most still reading this will slide right into the grayness of the modern Christian church. For most, your pure whiteness will only last until the next word:

Celibacy

They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. ^{Matthew 19:7-12}

We live in an oversexed society that is fed through the media via books, magazines, movies, the internet, and a whole lot of other means. Sex, sex, sex. It is one of the biggest gods of our age.

One of the most awesome gifts of God, ordained as pure within the realm of holy matrimony has been relegated to cheap and defiled. If you are in the legitimate marriage category, then God wants you to enjoy sex with your legitimate partner, without boundaries, and with God’s richest blessing. The marriage bed is wonderful, awesome, and undefiled!

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. ^{Hebrews 13:4}

So where does celibacy come in? Going back nearly 1,500 years to the time of Augustine of Hippo, we see the Roman world steeped in licentiousness much like our own. Some of the pagan temples actually had male and female prostitutes that where an actual part of their religion. It permeated society; much like pornography does in our modern culture. Many Christians launched a strong counter-cultural revolution against paganism. Some Christian married couples even went so far as to agree to separate from one another in order to devote themselves entirely to God. This was not a divorce in order to go and marry someone else. It was a separation to make a statement to a licentious world steeped in whoredoms. Couples in legitimate marriages became celibate to devote themselves to the Lord.

I was the Men’s group evangelistic leader in a church of several thousand members. Most of the leadership in the Men’s group had been divorced and remarried. I was one of the exceptions and was completely flabbergasted by the Men’s Group leader who was advising one of the other leaders about the 5-year rule that one of the pastors had advised him on. You divide the number of years you were married to your previous wife by 5 and that is how many years you should wait before remarrying. No wonder the divorce rate among churchgoers is higher than non-churchgoers. I just wonder how many other formulas there are out there. I’m sure it would fill up a pretty large database.

Moses gave a formula to the licentious and stiff-necked Jews because of the hardness of their heart. Jesus set the record straight and said the formula was illegitimate (Matthew 19:7-9; Mark 10:2-12). To the church, Jesus said without actually saying it that most members would also have their formulas, and for those who couldn’t receive the White that was in place from the time of Adam and Eve, that they would take the formulaic route.

For those unwilling to take the world’s gray formulas, God provides the only way out of an illegitimate marriage: celibacy. Our idolatrous culture needs a statement to be made. Those in illegitimate marriages need to become “eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.” That is the only way out of living in perpetual adultery. And if you are one of the previous whores who has claimed to come before the Lord in repentance of your whoredoms then your repentance is only legitimate if you turn from your sin of whoredom. To continue in adultery is not true repentance.

If you think the option of celibacy is beyond your capability, then you are halfway there. A recognition of the sinful fallen nature of man means that our only hope is in the power of God. God can make you a eunuch “for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.” If Christians at the time of Augustine could become eunuchs when legitimately married, then certainly Christians in an illegitimate marriage can become eunuchs to keep from sinning against God Almighty. To say or think otherwise is to severely diminish the power of God.

If you are repentant and ready to commit to such a righteous and pure step then you must also brace yourself for a flood of gray from family, church, and friends. They will keep trying to itch your ears till you ecstatically comply with their enticements. Few will ever accept the black and white. Few will ever accept being “eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.”

Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? ^{Matthew 16:24-26}

And if they right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if they right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. ^{Matthew 5:29-30}

Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobate?^{II Corinthians 13:5}

There is much gray, but Jesus didn’t entertain any such areas. We too must resist the temptation to dabble in the gray areas. May your decision go beyond human understanding and power to the very gates of Heaven.

Ralph Wendt

For more on this subject go to: The Spirit of Celibacy